by Rodney Marks | Jan 14, 2017 | Business, Comedian, Comedy, Corporate, Entertainment, Events, Hoax, Keynote, Speaker, Speaking
1. aluminium
2. ash
3. bat
4. battleship
5. bitumen
6. charcoal
7. chrome
8. cinder
9. cinereous
10. colourless
11. concrete
12. dove
13. dust
14. flint
15. fuliginous
16. granite
17. graphite
18. greige
19. grey
20. gunmetal
21. hoary
22. iron
23. lead
24. mercury
25. moleskin
26. monochrome
27. mouse
28. mushroom
29. neutral
30. nutria
31. obsidian
32. oyster
33. pearl
34. pelican
35. pepper-and-salt
36. platinum
37. plumbago
38. pumice
39. salt-and-pepper
40. silver
41. slate
42. smoky
43. soot
44. steel
45. stone
46. storm cloud
47. tarmac
48. taupe
49. tin
50. wan
… … … … …
Rodney Marks
I’m an Australian corporate comedian, performing comic hoaxes at business events. If you like these blogs, you’ll like my live comedy. If you don’t like these blogs, you still might like my live comedy.
Add comedian.com.au to your bookmarks, and one day: book Marks. I don’t do cheap jokes, and I’m freer than you think. I’m comical not anatomical, economical not astronomical.
For more info – and to contact me directly – see my LinkedIn profile, and website: www.comedian.com.au. I’m based in Sydney and travel widely.
by Rodney Marks | Jan 14, 2017 | Business, Comedian, Comedy, Corporate, Entertainment, Events, Hoax, Keynote, Speaker, Speaking
Feel free to use this opening sentence when delivering your next keynote address at a business event:-
Generally,
referentially,
computationally,
bibliographically,
encyclopaedically,
serially,
organisationally,
journalistically,
collectively,
philosophically,
psychologically,
metaphysics,
epistemologically,
causally,
humanly,
paranormally,
phenomenologically,
logically,
ethically,
morally,
theologically,
biblically,
comparatively,
religiously,
socially,
scientifically,
statistically,
politically,
economically,
legally,
administratively,
problematically,
educationally,
commercially,
communicatively,
customarily,
folklorically,
linguistically,
mathematically,
astronomically,
physically,
chemically,
earthily,
paleontologically,
paleozoologically,
botanically,
zoologically,
technologically,
medically,
psychiatrically,
agriculturally,
managerially,
artistically,
architecturally,
decoratively,
painterly,
graphically,
photographically,
musically,
recreationally,
performatively,
literately,
historically,
geographically,
biographically and
genealogically …
… I’d like to begin.
— — — — — —
Rodney Marks
I’m an Australian corporate comedian, performing comic hoaxes at business events. If you like these blogs, you’ll like my live comedy. If you don’t like these blogs, you still might like my live comedy.
Add comedian.com.au to your bookmarks, and one day: book Marks. I don’t do cheap jokes, and I’m freer than you think. I’m comical not anatomical, economical not astronomical.
For more info – and to contact me directly – see my LinkedIn profile, and website: www.comedian.com.au. I’m based in Sydney and travel widely.
by Rodney Marks | Jan 12, 2017 | Business, Comedian, Comedy, Corporate, Entertainment, Events, Hoax, Keynote, Speaker, Speaking
Here ends the episodic publication of The Management Contradictionary (Benjamin Marks, Rodney Marks, and Robert Spillane. Michelle Anderson Publishing: Melbourne) … not with a whimper, not with a bang, but with a full stop.
It’s available in all good libraries, and quite a few bad ones, too. The book is in alphabetical order, so feel free to keep reading the blog posts – past, present and future – from eh? to zzz.
The Management Contradictionary defines the real meaning behind management terms.
… … … … …
Index
It’s a dictionary.
Afterword
We’ll talk about this later.
Encore
Here we have about 20,000 words, many of them different. There are also a few numbers, reflecting our mathematical mellifluousness. Hopefully, the content is readable and the format acceptable. For example, among other things, we have tried to put all parenthetic thoughts where they belong.
Also, because our writing is usually a bit messy, we spent a long time handtyping, with correct syntax, grammar and stuff, all for your reading pleasure.
It is a given in this work that meaningless, non-descriptive words are onomatopoeic, and that those words which only have phonetic meaning sound just as they are said. Proof: the word “spot” is vacuous, and is like the sound that a spot makes.
Conclusions
Like words and phrases, these are hard to define.
Recommendations
- Look both ways before you cross the road.
- Invest in gold.
- Group things in threes.
Editorial committee
Affirmative action: Marietta Mann
Agriculture: Sandy Playnz, Beau Vine
Astronomy: Buck McCluster
Aviation: Aaron Orticle
Chemistry: Dan Gerus
Comedy theory: Hugh Moore
Corporate governance: Haydn de Mudd, Rudy Koulis, Perry Pheral
Economics: I.T. de Pendes
Electrical engineering: Anton de Mitteran
Finance: Rhet Eyerment, Seymour Mahoney, Adam Marp
Food technology: André Mayne de Zërt
Futurist studies: Thom Morrow
Gaming: Jacques Podt
Genealogy: Charlie Sarnt, Bob Zyrunkl
Government: Beau Rocraci
Holistic research: Jan Ited
Hospitality: Rob de Geste, Alf Resco
Housing: Mort Gauge, Ulysses Voyd
Information Technology: Artur Pfischel
International affairs: Haydn Zich
Knowledge management: Noel Hedge
Leadership: Mike Bleave, Harry Diculus, Dick Tait
Legal studies: Laura Byding
Logistics: Frank de Poeste
Management: Lou Dicrus, Lou Natick, Lulu
Management consulting: Matt Ricks, Val Yuad
Marketing: Chris Tallein
Mathematics: Cal Kyulaszn
Meetings, Incentives, Conferences & Exhibitions (MICE) sector: Motti Veight
Military history: Gen. Al Rounder, Admiral Rusty Stern
Mining: Doug Macquarie, Phil Macquarie, Rich Vain
Museum studies: Art Easte
Not-for-profit management: Phil Anthropei, Al Truism
Organisational behaviour: Seren Dipitee, Shelby Wright
Philosophy: Rayson Detra
Pluralism: Juan Sidednesc
Political science: Con Volluted
Psychology: Guy Dance
Publishing: Lex Icon, Dick Schonery, Eddie Torriolle
Standards: Ben Schmuck
Systems management: Cec Temik
Transport: Kerasch Dumhi, Ilya Ford
Water and waste management: Phillip de Poule, Sue Ridge
Work-life balance: Candida Cockburn, Pauly Dunbuy
Further reading
Recommended.
Font
The Generic typeface used in this volume is the work of Fontov Wisdom, the noted Eastern European fine artist, radical calligrapher and thief. The Generic font is based on the classical English alphabet prior to before the introduction of vowels being introduced in 1066. It is strongly influenced by the painterly style of pre-Raphaelite public transport graffitists, whereby each letter flows to the other, and each word connects fluidly with the sentence structure. The decisive clarity is reminiscent of the Mauritius dodo quill that Wisdom used in his famous mural inside the Moscow pissoire.
Paper
The caustic text is printed on acid-free paper, for balance. The paper is made from mostly -recycled toilet paper, which, in turn, was made from old growth Radiata pine, grown in shallow soil above sea level in south-west Tasmania. Its subtle aroma has been known to seduce bookworms, bibliophiles and lexicographers into purchasing softcover first editions, when normally they would order a copy via inter-library loan.
Order form
Please feel free photocopy this section, the only part of The Management Contradictionary not subject to copyright.
For one or two copies of this book, please google the publisher or the authors. To buy in bulk, negotiate.
In previous decades, a reader would complete a photocopied form and fax it off; later, such a form would be scanned, filled in onscreen and emailed as an attachment. These days, online ecommerce has taken over, and books can be purchased through Iinternet bookstores. Or maybe not. Check it out: it might work.
Perhaps just ask a real person at your local bookshop.
So, that’s the form.
… … … … …
Rodney Marks
I’m an Australian corporate comedian, performing comic hoaxes at business events. If you like these blogs, you’ll like my live comedy. If you don’t like these blogs, you still might like my live comedy.
Add comedian.com.au to your bookmarks, and one day: book Marks. I don’t do cheap jokes, and I’m freer than you think. I’m comical not anatomical, economical not astronomical.
For more info – and to contact me directly – see my LinkedIn profile, and website: www.comedian.com.au. I’m based in Sydney and travel widely.
by Rodney Marks | Jan 12, 2017 | Business, Comedian, Comedy, Corporate, Entertainment, Events, Hoax, Keynote, Speaker, Speaking
Herein book publishing is satirised with anti-humour, anti-jokes and antidotes.
We’re nearly finished with the episodic publication of The Management Contradictionary (Benjamin Marks, Rodney Marks, and Robert Spillane. Michelle Anderson Publishing: Melbourne).
It’s available in all good libraries, and quite a few bad ones, too. The book is in alphabetical order, so feel free to keep reading the blog posts – past, present and future – from eh? to zzz.
The Management Contradictionary defines the real meaning behind management terms.
… … … … …
Dedications
To RM and RS: BM
To BM and RS: RM
To BM and RM: RS
Disclaimer
It’s not our fault.
Acknowledgements
The Devil made us do it.
Table of Contents
- Unsolicited testimonials
- Dedications
- Disclaimer
- Acknowledgements
- Table of Contents – you are here
- Preface
- About-face
- Forward
- Forehead
- Foreword
- Introduction
- Reintroduction
- Technical terms
- Safety, Health and Environment (SHE) issues
- Style choices
- Personal note
- Important note
- Gender-neutral language
- How to read this contradictionary
- The Management Contradictionary
- Index
- Afterword
- Encore
- Conclusions
- Recommendations
- Editorial Committee
- Further reading
- Font
- Paper
- Order form
Preface
This is it.
About-face
That was it.
Forward
Let’s go!
Forehead
Mop it before reading.
Foreword
See Preface.
Introduction
Welcome, and thanks for buying this book.
The reader should be reminded that if a word in this lexicon is unfamiliar, then perhaps the authors made it up. After all, we are the dictionary.
Reintroduction
Welcome back, and thanks for funding our writing time.
Technical terms
- ‘See’ means ‘see’.
- ‘Compare with’ means ‘compare with’.
- 1, 2, 3 and so on mean that each definition is separate.
- a, b, c and so on mean that each element is part of the larger definition.
- If V1 is for vision, V2 is for values, M is for mission, S is for strategy, and O is for the organisation, then:
- {[(V1+V2) – M] x S} x O = Management.
- If the cost of S is more than the value of O, then no amount of M will do.
Safety, Health and Environment (SHE) issues
The authors stress that any increase in personal or professional stress sustained as a result of reading this book is the full responsibility of each and every reader. If you are not prepared to accept this condition, please immediately donate the book to your local yoga centre.
This work is highly toxic. It does not contain any throwaway lines. Do not recycle.
Style choices
Yes.
Personal note
It is the strong belief of the authors that a full appreciation of this contradictionary will result in a larger economic pie being created, and that even if each player in each market ends up with only the same percentage of the whole, the way a rising tide lifts all ships, then so too will everyone be, synergistically, better off. Many of our readers will be involved with pie charts and in cooking the books; and, in those senses, we too are cooks. We hope that you enjoy the grilling and the roasting.
Important note
End of Important Note.
Gender-neutral language
Sometimes the word ‘he’ is used to mean ‘he’ or ‘she’, but often its just means ‘he’. However, we recognise our prejudice, and future joint writing projects include feminist editions of this book, and of the Bible.
We further acknowledge that there are continua of the genders of masculinity and femininity within the sexes of male and female.
It should be noted that the authors are not totally responsible for the limitations of the English language.
How to read this contradictionary
Start at A and go to Z.
… … … … …
Rodney Marks
I’m an Australian corporate comedian, performing comic hoaxes at business events. If you like these blogs, you’ll like my live comedy. If you don’t like these blogs, you still might like my live comedy.
Add comedian.com.au to your bookmarks, and one day: book Marks. I don’t do cheap jokes, and I’m freer than you think. I’m comical not anatomical, economical not astronomical.
For more info – and to contact me directly – see my LinkedIn profile, and website: www.comedian.com.au. I’m based in Sydney and travel widely.
by Rodney Marks | Jan 11, 2017 | Business, Comedian, Comedy, Corporate, Entertainment, Events, Hoax, Keynote, Speaker, Speaking
The Management Contradictionary was written by Benjamin Marks, Rodney Marks, and Robert Spillane and published by Michelle Anderson Publishing: Melbourne.
It’s available in all good libraries, and quite a few bad ones, too. The book is in alphabetical order, so feel free to keep reading the blog posts – past, present and future – from eh? to zzz.
The Management Contradictionary defines the real meaning behind management terms. It was reviewed by some imaginary friends. Note the aptronyms, the nominal determinism, the comical binomial nomenclature.
… … … … … … …
‘Thanks for the review copy. I got my money’s worth, that’s for sure.’
Lex Icon, Times Literary Supplement, London
‘Please wait. Your call is important to us.’
Eddie Torriolle (voicemail), New York Times Review of Books
‘If I was interested in management terms and knew how to read, this is without a doubt the book I would buy. Highly recommended: * * * * * (five stars).’
Harry Diculous, leadership visionary
‘Exhaustive but not tiring, blunt yet refined, sharp yet touchy, comprehensive yet comprehensible, simple but not simplistic, timely yet ageless, funny yet serious, understandable yet learned, amazing but not corny.’
Haydn de Mudd, corporate governance authority
‘The authors are on-song yet unsung.’
Perry Pheral, business ethicist
‘A must read! Please send me a copy, or an original.’
Noel Hedge, Hon. PhD
‘I’ve never had so much fun under the covers and between the sheets.’
Candida Cockburn, work-life balance expert.
… … … … … … …
Rodney Marks
I’m an Australian corporate comedian, performing comic hoaxes at business events. If you like these blogs, you’ll like my live comedy. If you don’t like these blogs, you still might like my live comedy.
