by Rodney Marks | Nov 28, 2016 | Business, Comedian, Comedy, Corporate, Events, Hoax, Keynote, Speaker, Speaking
Idioms have indirect meaning, and word for word mean something else. That’s why they’re so useful in business, where saying what you mean and meaning what you say are often mutually exclusive, if you see what I mean to say.
For instance, see this transition from corporate life to start-up entrepreneur, in idiomatic terms –
Whatever walk of life you’re in, whether you’re a cog in the wheel or a member of the oldest profession, there comes a time when you have to decide between a golden handshake and walking the plank. When you’re been put out to pasture, you can hang out your shingle to earn your bread and butter. Don’t let the man get you down or force you to hang up your boots. You’ve spent years burning the midnight oil on someone’s else’s dime. Now’s the time to make your mark, to blow your own trumpet, and live the life of Riley.
It’s not going to be a bed of roses, but having a piece of the action might make you discover that you do indeed have the Midas touch. Before long, you’ll be in clover, in the lap of luxury in the land of milk and honey. There’ll be pennies from heavenand you’ll never have had it so good. You’ll look back on the chicken feed that you used to earn, and be happy on your bed of roses.
by Rodney Marks | Nov 28, 2016 | Business, Comedian, Comedy, Corporate, Events, Hoax, Keynote, Speaker, Speaking
The contemporary leader is a part-Confucius, part-Aesop, part-Buddha. Success is having a repertoire of metaphors for each business function –
1. Marketing: Solutions depend on the targeting the right segment.
2. Sales: Create the headache, sell the aspirin.
3. Logistics, Operations and Production: We need to innovate our roadmap with benchmarks, milestones, nodes, and hubs and spokes.
4. Human Resources: We’re here to grow human capital and to develop human assets so that they may climb the career ladder, the greasy pole, and the stairway to mahogany row.
5. Finance: Remember that time is money, and that liquid of assets aren’t as important as cash flow.
6. IT: We need to develop an agile platform, to springboard to the next level.
7. Legal: Our blueprint is a template for a precedent. But don’t quote me.
8. Strategy: We’re on a journey powered by the business cycle, laying chess with our competitors; our comparative advantage is in our ideas, which are left field, out of the box, and lateral.
9. Leadership: Depending on the situation, work is sport, a game, or a war. It takes a long time to turn this ocean liner, all hands on deck and to the wheel, or both, as we sink or swim with or without the sharks.
10. Governance: Shift that paradigm, change the landscape, steer – don’t row.
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by Rodney Marks | Nov 28, 2016 | Business, Comedian, Comedy, Corporate, Events, Hoax, Keynote, Speaker, Speaking, Writing
I’ve always liked doing things, and checking them off a to-do list. Over the years, I’ve tried different lengths, and have surveyed a few friends, family members, colleagues and passers-by. Here are the evidence-based results, statistically significant to three decimal places, where n=20 or so.
1. One is a good number to keep a handle on. Most of us can do one thing every day. The trouble is, that if you fail to do it, you would feel like a real loser, someone who, when they give themselves just one thing, can’t even to that. Not a good number for folk with already poor self-esteem. Better to have 100 errands to run and complete half of them.
2. Binary works well, especially for IT types.
3. Three is good for those literate in rhetoric.
4. Four it okay, for keeping activities front-of-mind.
5. Five is a handful, which is a useful mnemonic.
6. Half a dozen works for pre-decimal nostalgics.
7. Seven is a magnificent number.
8. Eight is a lucky number.
9. Nine is for under-achievers who need to feel like they’ve achieved something, or for over‑achievers who believe that their nine is equal to other people’s ten.
10. Ten is conventional, boring, and makes people feel manipulated by an imaginary manual.
11. If you have eleven items on your daily to-do list, you’re well on your way to Chapter Eleven, to believing that 11 is 10+GST, or to being more alpha than competitors with ten to-do list items.
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by Rodney Marks | Nov 28, 2016 | Business, Comedian, Comedy, Corporate, Events, Hoax, Keynote, Marketing, Speaker, Speaking
Have you ever wondered what comedians do to drum up performances? Here my favourite 20 sales and marketing activities:
1. Doing nothing.
2. Fiddling with my LinkedIn profile.
3. Fiddling with my website.
4. Writing jokes for possible future performances.
5. Ditto for actual upcoming gigs.
6. Thinking.
7. Thinking about thinking.
8. Thinking about writing humorous anecdotes.
9. Over-thinking.
10. Thinking that I’m over-thinking.
11. Thinking that I’m over thinking.
12. Messaging a LinkedIn contact who I’ve worked for.
13. Messaging someone I haven’t worked for.
14. Considering investing in Google AdWords.
15. Deciding not to invest in Google AdWords.
16. Reconsidering investing in Google AdWords.
17. Deciding definitely not to invest in Google AdWords.
18. Considering investing in LinkedIn Ads.
19. Deciding definitely not to invest in LinkedIn Ads.
20. Writing a post, such as this one.
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by Rodney Marks | Nov 21, 2016 | Business, Comedian, Comedy, Corporate, Events, Hoax, Keynote, Marketing, Speaker, Speaking
Buzzword bingo for HR: Here are 25 keywords to make you sound like you know what you’re talking about. Pepper your conversation with them, sound authoritative, appear authentic and your upward mobility is assured.
- caring
- silver ceiling
- glass ceiling
- rotation
- challenges
- incentivise
- satifaction
- climate
- culture
- indicators
- learning
- commitment
- strengths
- weaknesses
- opportunities
- threats
- competence
- enlargement
- enrichment
- reskilling
- upskilling
- motivation
- performance
- personality
- transformation
by Rodney Marks | Nov 6, 2016 | Business, Comedian, Comedy, Corporate, Events, Hoax, Keynote, Speaker, Speaking
Select a word from each of the three sections. This innovative process will create a three-word description of a project or a management theory. You’ll have thousands of options to choose from, or from which to choose. I’m not sure that pedantic is quite the right word. Colleagues, superiors and subordinates will admire your originality, hold your linguistic dexterity in their highest esteem, and look up to your adroit leadership style.
- collaborative, consultative, cooperative, empowered, management, motivated, organisational, stakeholder, shareholder, team
- business, controlling, governance, government, international, mission, productivity, profitability, values, vision
- allocation, committee, implementation, meeting, metaphor, outcome, project, result, statement, system.
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