We herein and therefore hereby continue the hitherto episodic publication of The Management Contradictionary (Benjamin Marks, Rodney Marks, and Robert Spillane. Michelle Anderson Publishing: Melbourne).

It’s available in all good libraries, and quite a few bad ones, too. The book is in alphabetical order, so feel free to keep reading the blog posts – past, present and future – from eh? to zzz.

The Management Contradictionary defines the real meaning behind management terms.

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going forward

Not yet. Compare moving forward, which means never.

good employee, a

Not in popular currency.


  1. A protection racket masquerading as a charity.
  2. A tax on both our houses.


  1. Good. Agreed.
  2. Not giving in to the envious.
  3. Not giving to the envious.
  4. Not giving in to the jealous.
  5. Not giving to the jealous.


  1. Not nice.
  2. Earnings before profit is taken away.


  1. A disciplined lynch mob.
  2. The collective wisdom of empty skulls.
  3. A con census.


Lump on the credit side of the balance sheet, usually appearing at the time of the CEO’s remuneration review, before the bulge is moved to the debit side and the CEO is given a payout equivalent to the gross national product of a small Third World country.


The fine art of standing by your product or service, subject to the fine print.


Easily evaded, eerily educated excusable estimate.


  1. A titled person who preaches what you believe you are entitled to.
  2. Roo goo.

gut feeling

  1. Tummy-ache.
  2. Foreplay between the overweight. (Circles don’t tessellate.)
  3. The basis for truly effective decision-making.
  4. Something you don’t learn … in tuition.


An imaginary state much favoured by unhappy social scientists at dinner parties.

hard work

  1. Substitute for ability.
  2. Antonym of management.


Executor, matchmaker, cannibal and sometimes pimp, who shaves the edges off square pegs so that they can be jammed into round holes long enough for the finder’s fee to be paid.


Someone who protects the company from its managers.


Cascading ranking created in the image of those at the top, to remind all others that they are not. This explains why leaders are in a constant state of anarchy, as there is no one above them. Hierarchies have more strata on the way up.

hierarchy of needs

The ranking of human requirements by psychologists, with psychological assistance required to reach high levels. This ensures high fees for the rapists (sic) therapists.


  1. Description of any inanimate object more complicated than a paper clip, and not as reliable.
  2. An automatic waiver.


  1. Accidental banalities of the past, listed in chronological order.
  2. Stories that glorify their writers.

(See minutes)


Like retirement, proof of poor job selection.

home shopping

  1. Buying things that you don’t need from the comfort of your own credit card.
  2. Looking for somewhere to live, from where you live.


Socially acceptable lying.


Believing that you will succeed in your next job.

horizontal integration

Buying organisations like yours so that you don’t have to compete with them. However, even though you might own firms in your industry stratum, your whole business will be better off if each part of it competes with all others. So you may as well not integrate horizontally. Just lie down until the compulsion goes away.


One bite away from hospital management.

hostile takeover



Renting corporate real estate by the human resource, thereby exchanging one cubicle for another.


Doing unto your own before they do unto you, so that you may jointly do unto others.

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Rodney Marks

I’m an Australian corporate comedian, performing comic hoaxes at business events. If you like these blogs, you’ll like my live comedy. If you don’t like these blogs, you still might like my live comedy.

Add comedian.com.au to your bookmarks, and one day: book Marks. I don’t do cheap jokes, and I’m freer than you think. I’m comical not anatomical, economical not astronomical.

For more info – and to contact me directly – see my LinkedIn profile, and website: www.comedian.com.au. I’m based in Sydney and travel widely.