We continue the episodic publication of The Management Contradictionary (Benjamin Marks, Rodney Marks, and Robert Spillane. Michelle Anderson Publishing: Melbourne).
It’s available in all good libraries, and quite a few bad ones, too. The book is in alphabetical order, so feel free to keep reading the blog posts – past, present and future – from eh? to zzz.
The Management Contradictionary defines the real meaning behind management terms.
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consumer
- An anonymous customer.
- An individual who, when aggregated into the general population mass, becomes responsible for buying everything.
- The boss.
- An all-consuming client.
consumerism
An ism that you can buy into.
consumption
What should happen to production.
contemplation
We’re still thinking about this.
contra deal
Bartering to evade tax and other transaction costs.
contradictionary
- Adding definite meaning to words.
- A dictionary with an annotated self-referential index in the back.
- Numerous defining moments, alphabetised.
control
(verb) To exercise power over people or organisations who agree to be subjugated.
(noun) Those organisational functions that tell you what happens when.
convention
A convened meeting in which participants pretend to be in a convent.
convergence
The coming together of resources such as people or technology or ideas – yes, intellectual capital is a resource – so that they are no longer parallel, in metaphorical silos or drainpipes, nor are they diverging. Convergence is more serendipitous than the result of change management processes, consultancies, or leadership.
conversation
Murdered by postmodernists.
cooperation
(See conspiracy)
coordinate
To administer chaos in a focused way.
copyright
The right to copy.
core values
- Values that must be adhered to, compared with non-sticky values in the values statement.
- Values worth laminating.
corporate comedy
- Corporate
- The twenty-first-century equivalent to the court jester: the only person allowed to tell the truth to the modern day feudal lord, namely, the CEO.
corporate communication
Messianic messaging process whereby the views of the corporate godhead are evangelised to the unfaithful at the acolytes’ expense.
corporate culture
That unchangeable, intangible organisational feel, the result of history, people, objectives and production, which must be denigrated and decimated by an organisation’s leadership if they are to get anything done.
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I’m an Australian corporate comedian, performing comic hoaxes at business events. If you like these blogs, you’ll like my live comedy. If you don’t like these blogs, you still might like my live comedy.
Add comedian.com.au to your bookmarks, and one day: book Marks. I don’t do cheap jokes, and I’m freer than you think. I’m comical not anatomical, economical not astronomical.
For more info – and to contact me directly – see my LinkedIn profile, and website: www.comedian.com.au. I’m based in Sydney and travel widely.