Here are more business jokes, masquerading as the episodic publication of The Management Contradictionary (Benjamin Marks, Rodney Marks, and Robert Spillane. Michelle Anderson Publishing: Melbourne).
It’s available in all good libraries, and quite a few bad ones, too. The book is in alphabetical order, so feel free to keep reading the blog posts – past, present and future – from eh? to zzz.
The Management Contradictionary defines the real meaning behind management terms.
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company photo day
If you need a photo to remember something, then it’s not worth remembering.
compensation
Inadequate recompense for your time.
competence
Getting away with it.
competitor
Someone whose funeral you’re prepared to attend, and even arrange.
computer
- A device to increase paperwork.
- A machine that timelines the ignorance of IT companies, and is three months out of date as soon as it hits your desk.
computer program
An escalating game played between program developers and program consumers, in which the latter test-market the product at their own expense, making suggestions for improvements that should have been built into the software in the first place.
conditioning
It’s not my fault; society is to blame.
conference
An expensive meeting at which people confer.
conflict
- Two or more individuals or groups of individuals or entities in neither total agreement nor total disagreement over one or more matters of greater or lesser importance in and of themselves.
- Two or more individuals or groups of individuals or entities in total agreement or total disagreement over one or more matters of greater or lesser importance in and of themselves.
conformity
When everyone sings the company song from the same page of the corporate hymn sheet, when all the ducks are in a row, and when the troops – in formation – line up to salute the company logo.
conglomerate
An organisation so diverse that even it doesn’t know what business it is in.
congress
A digressed conference.
conscience
A quality claimed by compliance managers to justify their salaries.
consciousness
- I.
- That which humans use to deny I.
consensus
The authors could not come to an agreement on this definition.
conservative
Someone who prefers the jam we’re in.
conspiracy
Working together.
consultation
Using groupthink to create scapegoats.
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I’m an Australian corporate comedian, performing comic hoaxes at business events. If you like these blogs, you’ll like my live comedy. If you don’t like these blogs, you still might like my live comedy.
Add comedian.com.au to your bookmarks, and one day: book Marks. I don’t do cheap jokes, and I’m freer than you think. I’m comical not anatomical, economical not astronomical.
For more info – and to contact me directly – see my LinkedIn profile, and website: www.comedian.com.au. I’m based in Sydney and travel widely.