Absenteeism is simply transparent, even honest, presenteeism. You shouldn’t be reprimanded for being straightforward. Here’s a ready-to-use Excuse Maker … to justify the unbelievable. Next time you sleep in, slack off, or are so hung-over that you can’t invent a reason on the spot, try one of these explanations:

  1. You took the boss’s instructions to think more, literally, and spent a whole day being pensive. Who knew executives could be metaphoric?
  2. You were benchmarking how well your department had systematised workflow to cope with an unexpected service delivery supply reduction.
  3. You didn’t. Denial can be an effective rebuttal. The person making you accountable may then become embarrassed and owe you lots of brownie points.
  4. You were at the other worksite. This time-honoured method relies on actually having another worksite. Don’t become confused and think you’re still at your old job. Remember, they offshored your role for falsifying leave records.

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