Excuses for having a messy desk

  1. A clean desk means that your drawers and filing cabinets are full of junk.
  2. Looking at one piece of paper at a time is inefficient, and indicative of an inability to multi-task.
  3. If your desk is clean, co-workers may think that you’re about to change jobs. Anyway, I alone know where everything is. That’s called job security.
  4. A messy desk in and of itself is a useful excuse for many other parts of your role: files, invoices, telephone message, meeting minutes and your diary can all be lost as required, and simultaneously be within easy reach should a real need arise.

Excuses for changing jobs so often

  1. You have tried to broaden your experience base to bring to each new role a broad understanding of how the industry as a whole works.
  2. Your former boss accused you of sexual harassment, and wasn’t convinced by your feeble attempt to laugh it off: “For me, ‘harass’ is two words”.
  3. Your diligence showed up colleagues as lazy, and they white-anted you.
  4. You embrace change, and whilst terribly loyal, always look for opportunities to grow, both as a person and as a professional.

Excuses for not winning that sales pitch

  1. You weren’t prepared to spend the company’s money on a loss leader, and the opposition undercut you on price.
  2. They didn’t understand your ideas and they are so far ahead of their time.
  3. You thought that the submission deadline was just a rough indication.
  4. You chose the spaghetti bolognese at the pitch selection lunch, and it splattered all over the tender documentation.

Excuses for failing at any work task

  1. Colleagues let you down.
  2. The organisation didn’t resource you.
  3. The photocopy firm, or the courier, or the consultant, or the computer genius didn’t do what they promised they would.
  4. Whilst you are capable of carrying out most assignments, this was the one area in which you felt out of your depth.

… … … … … …