1. Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. (Thomas Edison)
  2. A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. (Steve Martin)
  3. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? (George Carlin)
  4. You can’t wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club. (Jack London)
  5. If you’re going to be thinking, you may as well think big. (Donald Trump: comedy writer; US President)
  6. Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door. (Kyle Chandler)
  7. Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds. (Albert Einstein)
  8. People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day. (A.A. Milne)
  9. A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure. (Anonymous)
  10. Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there. (Will Rogers)
  11. Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow. (Mark Twain)
  12. Follow your passion, stay true to yourself, never follow someone else’s path unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path then by all means you should follow that. (Ellen DeGeneres)
  13. Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it. (Tom Lehrer)
  14. Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right. (Isaac Asimov)
  15. Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavour. (Truman Capote)
  16. People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily. (Zig Ziglar)
  17. If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito. (Dalai Lama)
  18. When I hear somebody sigh, ‘Life is hard’, I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?’ (Sydney Harris)
  19. I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. (Lily Tomlin)
  20. If you’re going to be able to look back on something and laugh about it, you might as well laugh about it now. (Marie Osmond)
  21. There are no traffic jams along the extra mile. (Roger Staubach)
  22. Life is like photography. You need the negatives to develop. (Anonymous)
  23. Life is a blank canvass, and you need to throw all the paint on it you can. (Danny Kaye)
  24. If you hit the target every time it’s too near or too big. (Tom Hirshfield)
  25. There’s never enough time to do all the nothing you want. (Bill Watterson)
  26. I have a simple philosophy: Fill what’s empty. Empty what’s full. Scratch where it itches. (Alice Roosevelt Longworth)
  27. Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats. (Voltaire)
  28. I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong. (Benjamin Franklin)
  29. Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing ’til it gets there. (Josh Billings)
  30. When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye. (Cathy Guisewite)
  31. Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia. (Charles Schulz)
  32. Edison failed 10, 000 times before he made the electric light. Do not be discouraged if you fail a few times. (Napoleon Hill)
  33. Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished: If you’re alive it isn’t. (Richard Bach)
  34. I’ll probably never fully become what I wanted to be when I grew up, but that’s probably because I wanted to be a ninja princess. (Cassandra Duffy)
  35. By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day. (Robert Frost)
  36. My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already. (Dave Barry)
  37. Whoever said, ‘It’s not whether you win or lose that counts’, probably lost. (Martina Navratilova)
  38. If you fall, I’ll always be there. (The Floor)
  39. Focus, focus, focus! What am I, a telescope?! (Naruto Uzumaki)
  40. I intend to live forever. So far, so good. (Steven Wright)

…   …   …   …   …

Rodney Marks

I’m an Australian comedian, hoax speaker and corporate impostor. I mainly present comic hoaxes at business events. If you like these blogs, you’ll like my live comedy. If you don’t like these blogs, you still might like my live comedy.

Add comedian.com.au to your bookmarks, and one day: book Marks. I don’t do cheap jokes, and I’m freer than you think. I’m comical not anatomical, economical not astronomical.

For more info – and to contact me directly – see my LinkedIn profile, and website: www.comedian.com.au. I’m based in Sydney and travel widely.