Here are some more business jokes from the episodic publication of The Management Contradictionary (Benjamin Marks, Rodney Marks, and Robert Spillane. Michelle Anderson Publishing: Melbourne).
It’s available in all good libraries, and quite a few bad ones, too. It’s in alphabetical order, so feel free to keep reading the blog posts until you get to z, or zzz.
The Management Contradictionary defines the real meaning behind management terms.
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- What fortune favours: making a fortune out of favouritism.
- Somewhere between CAPITALISATION and italicisation in the continuum of screaming messages.
- Salary that you have to work for.
- Salary that you have to retire for.
- Bound text-and-paper compilation used as reading material before being replaced by film, television and the Internet.
- Portable graffiti.
- Educational instrument unfamiliar to managers.
- Place to hide confidential information.
- Interim summary of work-in-progress.
(See The Book, which is something to throw at disruptors, to no effect)
- Manager bound up in his words.
- Manager bound by his words.
Standard justification for doing badly after doing well.
If a kingdom is rule by a king, then boredom is rule by a bore.
To obtain money or something else of value (such as a cup of sugar or a lawnmower) by saying that it will be paid back sometime, often with interest in the form of more money, sugar or grass clippings.
The only real way to find out what actually happens.
- Lightning rod for a team thundering under the effects of electroshock therapy.
- Clouding the mind.
Emblem, symbol, icon or wording that assists consumers and potential consumers to ignore intrinsic merits or lack thereof.
- Making awareness a brand.
- Making a new brand brand new.
- Making an old brand brand new
- People knowing the above.
- Loyalty irrespective of reciprocity.
- What producers demand of consumers when features and benefits are not persuasive.
The point on the timeline of a project’s lifecycle where it stops haemorrhaging money.
Pre-preparing by backgrounding.
broker of hope
Pawning IQ for EQ.
Bloated Syntax; doubletalk; CEO-speak; spin; government policies; corporate policies; election promises; annual reports; start-ups’ pitch documents; social entrepreneurs’ claims; secular ethics centres’ preaching; religions’ promises of immortality; a nonsensical and subliminal PS, where the PS is the whole point of the message.
A fable chronicled in columns and rows, without a moral.
What you spend as leverage for more.
A product that will work perfectly well until you’re promoted.
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I’m an Australian corporate comedian, performing comic hoaxes at business events. If you like these blogs, you’ll like my live comedy. If you don’t like these blogs, you still might like my live comedy.
I don’t do cheap jokes, and I’m freer than you think. I’m comical not anatomical, economical not astronomical. Add comedian.com.au to your bookmarks, and one day: book Marks.